It’s been an entire week since I blogged. My life, flexible and unstructured though it may currently be, was waylaid by the failing health of my cat. But before you label me another pathetic single woman with a cat and click over to some blog full of relevance or breathless optimism, let me clarify.
1. I’m really a dog-person who’s taken in a large, dog-like cat.
2. I don’t equate pet problems with the emotional trauma of loved humans with health problems.
That said, it’s clear God gave us dominion over the animals, and asked Adam to name them. I think he’s pleased when we love and care for his creation, including our pets, though we should never put them before humans, who are created in God’s image. (Okay, enough with the disclaimers.)
Jerry Anderson is old. He developed some sudden health issues that required him to spend the night at the vet and put me on the path of preparing for the worst. (He’s home now, and fine, but probably won’t be for too much longer.) The whole point of this post is how we can be surprised by unforeseen storms that sometimes cross our Christian path and can paralyze us with fear and the weight of difficult decisions.
For me, though primarily content with single life, I felt the weight of being alone. I got advice from my sister, friends, and the vet. But to go to bed not knowing what I’d find the next morning – with no one to share the care and difficult decisions – I felt profoundly alone. And it felt like a shot across my bow, that in my season of feeling sidelined and without purpose there could be even more fear and loss. Why would God do that?
And I’m realizing that it’s because in the terrifying awareness of our aloneness, we clearly see the truth of it: life is too much to handle alone. We’re helpless, alone in a place where others can only encourage, but not participate. And in this place we can choose doggedly to continue on our own, or to throw out our arms in utter dependence on God. The harder life is, the greater our need. The greater our need, the greater our dependence on God.
That’s as far as I’ve gotten. I’m still waiting for whatever comes next.