Since Valentine’s day is all about wine and roses and chocolates for romantically involved couples, it’s nice to know there’s something special for… the rest of us. Despair Inc. brings us Bittersweets® – The Valentine’s Candy for the Rest of Us.
“For most, there is no crueler day of the calendar year than that of Valentine’s Day. While a tiny fraction of the population can look forward to a holiday of wine and roses, poetry and song, the vast majority of us can anticipate a day of nausea and grimacing, trauma and grief. A day in which minutes seem like hours, and hours like days, as we reflect sorrowfully on yesteryear’s romantic indignities, today’s loneliness, and the unknowable but certain heartbreak that will be visited upon us repeatedly in the years to come
When cruelty and holidays collide, the weak-willed find solace in self-pity and comfort foods. And now, Despair Inc. is pleased to announce that we’ve combined BOTH into a radical new offering.
Introducing Bittersweets® – The Valentine’s Candy for the Rest of Us.
Like the ubiquitous candy conversation hearts, Bittersweets® are made of flavored, chalky-tasting sugar and sport a message on their face. But unlike other candy hearts, ours are stamped with bitter musings and mockeries perfectly suited to the dejected spirits of those who will spend the holiday alone, or wishing they were.”
The entire page is hilarious. My favorites are “WE HAD PLANS,” “LOSS LEADER” and “DORK MAGNET.” Gotta love despair. “Supplies are limited. But the pain that accompanies them may not be.”
(HT to my friend Mike at Church Tech Arts.)