Updated for 2009.

1. Treat it like the unrecognized, under-appreciated “pre-holiday” holiday that it is, and decorate your entire house and yard with orange lights, pumpkins, spiders, coffins, cobwebs, ghosts, and scary music.

2. Turn off the porch light and go out for a nice, uninterrupted dinner.

3. Find a church with a “harvest” celebration. There’s peace of mind knowing your kids are having fun without worshiping Satan.

4. Trick AND treat: put a tract that clearly explains the plan of salvation in with your candy gifts.

5. Forget the kids: don your sexy yet biblical Sampson or Delilah costume, and party with the adults.

6. Invite your small group over to watch It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown, then list all the spiritual metaphors. Discuss.

7. Pray a hedge of protection around your driveway, porch, front door and doorbell – and against these potentially becoming demonic strongholds.

8. Offer kids a nutritious tray full of broccoli, cauliflower, or carrots. Have a camera ready to capture their reactions. I have friends who do this every year – it’s absolutely hilarious. (And yes, they do then provide candy.)

9. Stay at home, hand out candy, have conversations with your neighbors.

10. Plan to stock up on half-price candy the next day.

11. Try to think of ten or so interesting things about it because you’re not really sure it’s such a big deal. Then go to bed.