As I near the end of my previous employment’s severance at the end of this month, I notice my anxiety start to increase ever so incrementally. Though I was unemployed a couple of years ago, and was astounded at how God provided, this time feels different. For one thing, it was unplanned. It wasn’t me choosing a “bold” step of faith, it was God saying, “Time to get moving! Just wait until you see what I’ve got planned next!”
Which is really exciting and all, except that as a Supreme Being existing outside time and space, and… you know, housing, I think it’s understandable to be concerned about His reliability in paying bills that exist right now in this physical world. A day is not like a thousand years to the Electric Company. Plus, I’m not sure He really understands the seriousness of the economy right now.
I’ve tried to achieve a neutral expectation, neither too optimistic that God will pour out amazingly creative (and high-paying) opportunities, nor too fatalistic about losing my life savings and winding up homeless, on the corner of some freeway off ramp holding a sign that says “Will write for food.” I don’t expect only good things to happen. I do expect whatever happens to end up good, though I have no idea how far down the road that might be, and what sort of challenges lie between here and there. (This would be the crux of C.S. Lewis’s observation about Aslan: He’s good, but he’s not what we’d consider safe by any human definition.)
I also note with some unease that throughout the Bible, God seems to be particularly fond of daring, dramatic rescues at the last possible minute. And it’s really that whole last minute part that worries me. Think of Abraham holding a knife over his son, or Joseph in prison. Hello… Lazarus. God is habitually less timely than calling 911. And seems generally unconcerned about it.
So, I remember that He notices sparrows and lilies, who know nothing of the economic recession, and that He’s already planned out and numbered every day of my life, before there was even one of them (Psalm 139:16). He’s made an awful lot of promises, and faithfulness is his very character (Psalm 89:8). I remember that today was provided for, and am thankful… and anticipate what He has planned next.