Friday Lite

asking the tough questions

Getting to know people involves asking questions. The trick is, knowing the right questions. There are the questions you should have asked. (A television in the bedroom? Do you even have to ask?) And then there are the really hard questions.

Here are The Five Toughest Questions a Woman Can Ask a Man. Personally, I wonder about any woman who would ask a man what he’s thinking. In my experience, it’s usually one of four things: (1) sports-related, (2) car-related, (3) work-related, or, (4) desperately trying not to think because we just walked by a tall blond in a low-cut blouse.

Anyway, in rebuttal I offer The Five Questions a Man Should Never Ask a Woman.

#1. Is that what you’re wearing?
If she has it on, she’s wearing it. A much better approach would be, “Wow, you look great! I better go change!”

#2. Where’s the remote?
Admit it. What you really mean is, “Did you happen to see where I took the remote?” Because we both know you never let it out of your hands for fear of relinquishing, well…control. Thus, the remote could be in the bathroom, the garage, or the refrigerator.

#3. Honey, where’s my yellow tie/ green sweatshirt/ cellphone/wallet/ manpurse/ fill-in-the-blank?
You are so out of your depth. We easily recognize this as a shameless attempt to exploit our superior organizational skills by luring us into going to find the missing item for you.

#4. What’s for dinner?
Um…what year is it? Oh yes, 2009. That would be the Twenty-first Century. The one where men and women discuss and share roles, including what to have for dinner and how to get it. Try rephrasing it like this: “Honey, I stopped on the way home and picked up some vegetables and thought I’d throw together a little lowfat teryaki stir-fry for dinner.” With an offer like that, she’ll probably offer you…dessert.

And #5. What do you mean?
While it sounds like you’re listening intently and are deeply interested in more clearly understanding, it’s really a ploy to buy time until you figure out what she was saying while you were distracted with sports, cars, work, or not thinking about the blond with the low-cut blouse.

One thought on “asking the tough questions

  1. One question a woman should not ask a man: “What are you doing today?” This question is not asked because the woman is interested in what the man actually may be doing. (That question is “What did you do today?” and is asked after the man comes home exhausted and does not want to talk.) “What are you doing today?” is code for “I want you to do something for/with me today.” Usually not something fun, either, but a chore. “If you’re not working, do these chores,” in other words.

    This can lead to some interesting answers:

    1. “What are you doing today?” she asked him in the morning. He quickly rattled off that he had work, appointments, etc., until she hung her head in defeat.

    2. “What did you do today?” she asked him that night after he got home from work and chore-avoiding appointments. “Nothing,” he replied, which led to a fight.

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